Time changes everything, even you and I have changed

C h o o i T i n g
you can count on me like 123
i'll be there
and i know when i need you
i can count on you like 432
you'll be there
cos that's what friend suppose to do

do you ever wonder what your life looks like through someone else's eyes?

♥ i hope mine will be a girl who surrounded with happiness in your eyes ♥
-That's me

The rain, the winter spring has made us fade away

I really wonder how you feel on these nights so alone

Ah ma
Elaine Voon

I really wonder how you feel on these nights so alone

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Tuesday, November 5, 2013 || 11:55 AM

The reason of working holiday actually give u a better excuse to start traveling because you can't say you don't have the money and all bla bla bla

So here's the question that many of us share
Work first or holiday first? This is always one of the good question.
Can't get a job so maybe we will just play first and work later?
How long do you plan for your holiday? How much do you plan to spend for holiday?
*spendallthemoney* with meme face inserted

And        and              And

Still can't find a job after that?

Tadaaaa buy a right ticket and just go home?

Many of us let go our jobs and career when we decided to take this route.
That is why work is never the priority and some just want a career break from this.
I've seen a few of my Malaysian friends come and stuck in finding a jobs.
most of them enjoy their holiday while waiting for jobs and ended up spend all the money leave New Zealand for Malaysia with no choice- within 6 months when inside of me still feeling a lil ungrateful of this 6 months validation is way too short.
Why do you come when you are just planning to have a carrier break for two months or why do you even bother to get a slot from the working holiday visa program?
When obviously more than 1150 of us is fighting for the slot on this limited quota.
I will say if you are not really ready for all this maybe you can just a visa visitor instead.there is once a friends told me when I first came here

"Is not that hard like you though but you can't be really picky on your job"

I've been here for more than 6 months and to be more exact I'm here for 195 days, not that I'm really good in looking on jobs but I'm consider one of the lucky ones! Why? I'll explain.

I came here during the end of autumn when it is suppose to be a harvest season for kiwi and apples. 
Looking for job is really one of the hardest thing because we are so afraid we will spend all of the money. While we are patiently waiting for our jobs in auckland there is a friend of me telling us there is still job opportunities in his place at Mt.Maunganui.

Where is Mt. Maunganui? It is located at the north of Tauranga in Bay of plenty
The land of kiwi  to be more precisely is located at Tepuke where jobs opportunity like kiwi picking, kiwi packing, kiwi pruning and kiwi tinning can be found. 
 I have decide maybe we will just take a risk and travel down to where it is the land of kiwi? Got a ride from stranger in JJ house and start traveling.
Fortunately or unfortunately it is one those Bbh that helps you to look for job and in exchange you have to stay at their place. We waited for almost a week to get for the job and that makes us suspect it was a scam. Another reason is because the manager of the Bbh is a *woman* and she always like young cute boys *wink**hint* because it was an outdoor job so it is more likely required high physical.  at the same time, we are not really aware with new zealand fruit. this is why we keep thinking it was a scam when it was actually beginning season of kiwi fruits. How silly we are? I have no idea!! the consequences of not doing enough homework. nevertheless, we still get a trial on kiwi picking and it was actually fun after the jobs i've been experienced after that. it was fun with some crazy peoples around the world no matter how rich or poor the country we come from, we all work together to get the money just for travel. At least in that moment we are all the same regardless on who we are or where we from. Ended up we all still have sore back sore neck and itchy eyes.

*Cover everything before you get tanned*

Look at the guys who doesn't even scare of the sun

  *Green kiwi*

Don't know what's their name as we only work for a day and the girls are Emily from Malaysia and Amy from Singapore. 

The main reason that we dint choose to stay long even we get a job after a week is because
we start working at 830 until 6pm that day and all we get after tax was 46dollar.
Can u imagine? when new zealand has set the rule of minimun wages on 13.75 per hour but we still getting this paid. That is why we ran away from Mt.Maunganui and to our new destination for next job.
To where? What job? How far?

We travel by bus and ferry all the way to the South Island. It really take us a day to done it well since it was 804km distance! We first take a bus from Mt. Maunganui to Wellington! It was a long long trip because we start when the sky is still bright and reach when it is all dark. 

We decided to have stay over night for a day and continue our ferry trip on the next day. Wellington leave a good impression for us but we dint manage to stay along because we have to go for our next trip to Nelson! Take an hour trip from by the ferry and take bus from Picton to Nelson!
Cathryn has make a call to the work agent for our arrival and he pick us up at the Nelson I site and here start my days and months in Motueka. The place I love yet desperately wants to leave. 

I came to motueka at first of may. Can you imagine? May that we are talking about. Seriously? We came here for jobs! There is this work agent Johny that I've been talking in previous post. He helps us to look for an apple picking job. So get there and able to start working the next day. Have you ever heard of the 3 tops suffering outdoor job in New Zealand? 1st is picking strawberry 2nd is apple picking and 3rd will is pruning for grapes vines. When I know I was about to pick apple I know I was about to kill myself. I dint even do exercise when I'm back in Malaysia and now I'm picking apple.

Hahahahaha hahahha. *imallmad*

No matter how hard is the outdoor job I still did it will all my effort but god just love me because when we are about to start it was the season that about to ends.
We get paid from 28 per bin to 30 per bin. You know how long it last?

Hahahahaha hahahha

6 days and we are I'm the end of the season! How much I earn?
300++ a week. Nota very good result but since we dint work all day from 8 to 5 and mostly half day so I'm quite okay with it.

So much to learn about picking apple that u have to

climb the ladder,
be gentle, 

pick with 180degree hands, 
not to pick when it is too soft in the morning, 
do not pick up anything that fell on the floor 
and many many more with some cheat skill.

What did I do after apple picking ends?
I'm still in Motueka!
For what?
For my job n the rest of my working holiday.
I work in Talleys, the seafood factory!

Omo the long lasting Job I had in New Zealand. 
5 months almost 150days I spent it all in Motueka and talleys.
What I'm doing in Talleys?

I've been working as mussel opener! Grab a mussel and put your knife and open it! Grab a mussel and put your knife and open it. I did this for more than a month from 6am to 2.30pm and I'm volunteer myself t be a cleaner because u get more hours when doing the cleaning. 

what's next? The season ends again! We are told to go to the fish shed!

It was smelly it was scary it was full of fish.

 Here start the hoki season! What did I do this time? I'm a fish trimmer.

 Hoki season is a season when the hoki fish in populating time. The reason is not focus on the fish meat but the eggs. The babies can sell really reall good money accordingly o people here.
Trimming fish meaning you have take away all fats and bones in the fish from the fillet and it will later minced by the machine. It was still alright with it but I really hates the smell of this fish and I used to run away from the fish stall when my mum bring me to pasar. After a month of trimming fish, I was assign to be the roots taker, I have no idea how to spell the right word but it was the eggs in the fish. It was disgusting because they have all this worm surrounding the roots. Ewwwww I swear I swear I was about to cry but I can do anything with it. Here a picture of what they look like and how much they hurt me. Rawr * mentally*

A better image of it.

A real life version one

And for the roots too.

Don't talk about how much I hate them. I'm fixed at the position for two week and we are back to the mussel again. Here go the mussel season that ends my days in talleys.

Split apple Motueka!
Wednesday, May 15, 2013 || 10:27 AM

It's a Sunday morning and Cathryn asked Johny where we can go and Johny suggested we can go fishing. Before that I went to Sunday market with carol and I think it is fun. I'm so gonna head back next week when I get a job so I can spend some money on there too. Anyway, after spending Morning with carol, a girl from Taiwan and I know I like her from the beginning.
She can speak and joke and definitely not boring. That is what's like about her, outgoing fun and optimistic. The market is located at Motueka just right in from isite. They are selling cheap veggie and food all around there of course not to forget about some second hand clothes. That is so nice especially for someone poor like me. It's lunch time already when we finish shopping and we went ahead for a cheap Indian meal ohhhh it is vegetarian! Like omg vegetarian! My dad will love it and I forgot to snap some pictures because we pack it back it kind look disgusting when I'm eating it.

It's noon time and Johny bring us for short trip to split apple. This a town where apple is one of the main seasonal job available. The place we went is called kaiteriteri. It is a beautiful place. We stop by at beach at take some pictures and chat with Johny about Malaysia and Malaysian. 

Some people were having a picnic and some having a sea taxi. It's just how people here enjoy Sunday. Not necessary to do something but it must be a relax day. We dint realize it was already 4pm and We hurry up to the split apple. * the sky here getting dark faster than malaysia*
Dataaaaaa! Finally we are here to witness the split apple rock. 

 wanted to get a better spot to take the picture so I try climb to another side for the view and followed by Johnny. Cathryn said she will be just fine to stay at the beach. *safetypersonalert*
While we getting a better pictures of it. We met our backpacker mate from Germany and England!
They told us there are sea gull inside and it is scary! Ah aha but all I get is excitement and watch them. So Johnny lead the way and it is further than we though and the rock is getting higher and sky is getting darker! Oh no! Nevertheless we still managed to watch it thanks to Johnny determination. It was fun and all in my mind at that moment was the sea gull is going to eat us! The said it was scary! Lol. Ended up they were harmless and even swim to our direction.  But they were swimming so can't take a better pictures of them and they are really cute.

The thing that I feel touched is the sky and horizontal line lay between the ocean and sky. It was perfect. It might be just nothing to anyone but that meant a lot for me because what I wanted in this trip is to witness the best of everything. What is the best? The best of a thing can only be defined by my feeling. I decided to let my feeling take me. I feel like I was watching a rainbow in front of my eyes.

Things doesn't always come good to you. When there is a good one there is always a bad one.
Cathryn who decided to stay left us and back to town with other people. From what I get from the way she talk, she is selfish people. The excuse she gave was it was not safe and it is getting dark, alone and so on so on. I can simply fight her back but I just don't want. There is a man fishing right there from the beginning until me and Johnny left. So the man was there all time, she is not alone and she not even worry of our safety while we climb so far away. All she is thinking is herself. How can she manage to go back! When I said climb I meant it. We climb from rock to rock near the seashore and not walking by the sand to watch sea gull. I know I should bear my own risk for what I'm doing so do her. That's why she make a decision to left with some unknown for her own safety at safety beachside with man fishing nearby than worry her travel mate and friend who travel so long and still not appearing when the water level is going up. She even said she was mad at us that we are still not back while the sky is getting dark. That is my conclusion, I'm not gonna tell you how I feel about it but I can be sure she will not be apart of my trip journal or memory. Someone I'm definitely not fond!

Morning Sunday in Motueka
Thursday, May 9, 2013 || 4:58 PM

Since we do not have our own transport all we can do is tag along with those who own one. Early morning waiting for Jerry to reply us because he said we might be going to national park or something or maybe kayak? Nt sure about it anymore because it was 9.21 now and still no news from our only China's friend here. Shall wait more or just go back to sleep? I'm not sure because I don't think I can sleep now and I had just take breakfast. Not gonna sleep with my full stomach.
I've heard that there is a morning market in the town from carol, a new friend from Taiwan. Hohhot did mention she has Ang mou bf? I think he is from somewhere near Norway. Anyway, still waiting patiently..

Tada it is going to noon and jerry return a call that we will be going to national park at 1pm!

At the end we managed to go to Abel Tasman National Park and it is not that cool because it was a rainy day and we have to do is hide from the rain and hide from wind. Madcoldlikeomgthefuckingcold. Thank you to Jerry for including us in his plan and Johny who bring us there. Anyway, I'm glad that at least we are able to go travel a little bit while at every stop and I'm glad that while struggling with my "parttimejob" I'm still holding on with passion on travel and did or blind it with economy crisis! Btw it is our agent which is contractor that drive us and he don't need us to pay back for petrol so it is like double Yay!
We were supposingly watch sea gull and beach but due to the fuck annoyed winter we dint manage to enjoy the beach with oh summer feel but din snap some picture with my camera and gonna update it soon. We walk all the way from the car park and crossly the beach. Our intention to watch the split apple butttttttttt we started at 2pm and the sky in New Zealand getting dark very early like 6pm it is allllll dark here already with he rainy and windy day. "Sigh"
Dint manage to watch the split apple and sea gull that was sooo farmhouse but I did take a picture of a stone that look like an eaten apple. It is like better than nothing!


i'm leaving soon
Thursday, April 11, 2013 || 10:19 PM


people keep asking me what am i feeling this moment because i'm leaving soon,
are u going to miss everything here?
what about your boyfriend?

i was quite boring with this question one month ago until i get irritated by this question and the reason is i'm starting to ng sek dak..

why leave ur warm home when u have everything?
why leave ur job when you're paid as what you deserved?
why leave when everyone is here?

I'm gonna miss you,
I'm gonna be better,
I'm gonna adapt it,
I'm not gonna regret,

because this is what I've choose and I've no doubt with it because I know this what i want.

maybe i'm too young to say this but i just feel like i still dont know what i want the most or whatever i want is too unrealistic that i myself cannot take it as my path.

i wanna go through a city as a stranger,
 no one knows me, 
no one going to judge me, 
no one going to see me differently 
i'm only a backpacker.

it is not what i'm having here not enough to satisfy me nor i hate this place.

NO, not at all. I love where i belongs to.

This is why sometimes what i'm thinking is just... ridiculous.
some people leave because they are stuck in problems with work, money or family.
and what is the main reason of mine? i dont know.

if i were ask to explain my intention, it will be Experience,
to record how I live with myself and a new friend. 

let's star from here.......

growing up
Sunday, December 2, 2012 || 10:59 PM

we might not realize but in fact we are growing up.
we are no longer teenager, not longer the university student that we used to be,
the only responsible we had was study and today it is much more than you think,
how much u pay your mum this month after u get your salary?
what happened to your phone bill, tm bill and tnb bill?
and your new car? insurance?
i was the youngest in the family, used to be the one who took care by others, sibling, parents, boyfie and friends.
today, i still have them to be by my side and take good care about me.

so what is the problem?

the problem is responsibilities urge in

i have the feeling that i should be the one who take care of them right now.
after so many years, under good protection by them.
especially when i've come to notice my mum is walking much slower than i am.
my dad has double wrinkle on his face without my realize. 
and now i cant stand guy who is reckless and act silly.
recalling there was one day when i was driving to work, the radio was discussing bout what really happen that make you feel you are really a grown up.
i was thinking the answer for myself.
when was the moment you feel like you are really a grown up?
i have my mum that cook me breakfast every morning
i have my dad that make me fruit juice every morning
when they are not around, i will just skip my breakfast.
i have a car to drive to work everyday and i dont even need to worry and pump for petrol.
i was pampered to the max.
i will always always admit and never deny.

i have come to a conclusion, maybe my work is hard but it is also me who cannot solve it with an easier method.
some people tell me, so what? just solve them!
and just like the previous question, i'm having the same answer
then figured it out.
it seems like so many barrier there that blocking me, can you teach me?
the answer that came back to me is when you come out to this step.
there will be no lecturer for your subject and if you are lucky you will get one or two senior that willingly answer.
yes i mean answer, if you wanna learn anything, no one will give you a class like how you used to have, you must never never hesitate to ask. ok learnt that.
unfortunately no every question come with an answer, if you dont know you can ask, and no one answer you, you will have to figure out. 
from where? nah figure it out
how? figure it out
now i know why people keep having dilemma because well, there are to many unanswered question in this world.
This concluded about why i starting to feel frustrated in my workplace because there are to many problem that i cant handle and mainly because i'm just not smart enough. OMG

Thursday, November 22, 2012 || 9:26 PM

it has been awhile since i'm working, just like how i used to count on the days or years i've been studying.
day seems to be going slow during study and it repeat the same today.
my operator told me your day seems to be so slow but for us who are aging, everyday tick faster than they thought.
i'm........... struggling, i would say defeated but i dont want be defeated.
the last post was about me starting to like my job and today is the post about me getting tired with it.
Not sure the problem is with me or the industry.
i'm now working in production industry and everyday i have to be chase for output and output and quality and quality.
to be honest, i cant enjoy being chasing around or threatened.
i feel demotivated and maybe i'm just no optimistic enough.
darling, please make sure money come in my pocket or else i'm not sure how long i can stand on this job.
make sure next update is not me mumbling about my bloody job and the frustrated me about everything here.
I KNOW I'M LONG-WINDED on this bloody hell. i swear i can make it longer than this.
I JUST.... dont want the negative things keep going and going and going.

even i'm not done with the book Secret yet nut since it said gravity is very important!
then, i should adjust my mind thinking and be positive!
i can deal with it and be strong
i can deal with it and be strong
i can deal with it and be strong
i can deal with it and be strong
i can deal with it and be strong
i can deal with it and be strong
i can deal with it and be strong
i can deal with it and be strong
i can deal with it and be strong
i can deal with it and be strong
i can deal with it and be strong
i can deal with it and be strong
i can deal with it and be strong
i can deal with it and be strong


i will be happy
i will be happy
i will be happy
i will be happy
i will be happy
i will be happy
i will be happy
i will be happy
i will be happy
i will be happy

Tuesday, August 21, 2012 || 2:25 AM

If today, i have to set a limit for my idea on freedom it will be the horizon, you can see but you will never reach and it can see in everywhere of the world, like infinity.
I have been thinking, is there anyone, anything that can stop me from seeking a broader land, broader sea but it seems none for now.
i'm so glad i have understanding peoples around me, who accept me for capricious, for my uncertainty, for my randomness and u know, just get along and get used.
after officially came out from the path of education, i cant deny i miss my university life.
at the same time, i feel a little bit more in working life just simply excited.
now i'm working i think i dont hate my work like others do even i'm super tired for working long hours but yet i feel satisfy.
i might not a contributor to my company for this moment but at least i feel like at least i'm worthy.
even my supervisor dont think so, even it can be the way they see is exactly different from how i see me.
however, i still feel content of all.
i hope this work will never be the reason that stop my dream.
step by step
i know i'm walking in a right way, less plan and yet productive.
honestly, not a planner in my life because i hate it when things doesnt go on my way or my plan.
this is just good, rough plan with not further details and yet things just goes well, goes well.
i dont expect everything goes smooth, i dont expect caring people to be all surrounded with me.
i simply included them.

at this moment, all in my mind is beach, the horizon that defines my freedom.