Time changes everything, even you and I have changed

C h o o i T i n g
you can count on me like 123
i'll be there
and i know when i need you
i can count on you like 432
you'll be there
cos that's what friend suppose to do

do you ever wonder what your life looks like through someone else's eyes?

♥ i hope mine will be a girl who surrounded with happiness in your eyes ♥
-That's me

The rain, the winter spring has made us fade away

I really wonder how you feel on these nights so alone

Ah ma
Elaine Voon

I really wonder how you feel on these nights so alone

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“life will be better in spring”
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cny of 2009
Tuesday, January 27, 2009 || 3:02 AM

This year, no one crying, no one cry like last year because of my grandma.
we talk about this few days ago, somehow it make me remind my older post,
*smile* that never come back.
it's like a very hard feeling memory.
nah, even my mum now will stil an sap sap when we talk about it.
this year we din repeat what happened on 2008
because people is avoiding the chance to touch the wound,
yet pathetic because they miss her alot. my mum din go in to her room cos she say she will remind back the time they spend together.
that's why this year cny nothing special, know what?
i miss my childhood time when all kids play together,
neh, those naive and innocent time. u will cry because those jie jie gor gor dont let u gamble and they will say u still young or watever.
so u have to cry and merajuk so there is someone will play wif you and ended up playing those joker card.
or praising aunties uncles to get extra ang pao and get pinched by them and say u were soooooo cute and chubby.
i misss ittt alottttttt
cos my mind now is corrupting,
meaning i'm not naive anymore.sigh.rolled eyes.hit my forehead.
and now, cny= finals+die
this equation is a true statement.trust me!
but nah, i still have to go on.
and u know what?
if u choose to go study when cny meaning u are really insane.
u know why?
cny is releasiinggggg.
lying, i know but at least i can get extra pocket money even every year the rate of ang pao decreasing but extra RM 10 still EXTRA pocket money.
not worth? nah, worth it! because i'm poor and extra money can make me stay longer.
my life= money
agree? agree? say yes!
whee whee wheee. I <3 CNYYYYYY. sarcastically
when u're so intoxicate when counting ur new year income, you will think about ur final which included 6 subject.
feeling like crying
even money cant lure u back.
we have to know who we are as a student.
even u not smart, u still have to study cos u paid 2k
one fail meaning 300 gone.
6fail meaning 2k gone.
come on, we pass our math right?
meaning what?
we still have to study. if u're smart enough u will still study, know why?
cos smart person meaning they have the ability to be NERD and this prove that u are insane even u dont care 2k that u have been paid.
see student life actually kind burden,
nah,i'm so sure I'M NOT COMPLAININGGGG.
actually c n y make me remind alot of things.
u dont need to be very special in ur life.
but yet, be the one that people will miss and ask about when u're not there,
cos this prove everything.
u're IMPORTANT. see, my grandma did it.
everyone miss her.
she know how important she is to certain peoples.
no need to be peoples even only one person is missing you that mean alot already.
at least i'm not pity i have my mum and my dad to miss me when i'm not at their side.
and i miss everyone now.
and thanks for the wishes and comments.
have a prosperous year and friends, good luck for your final.

"forgive and forget." But if someone's worth forgiving, you'll never forget them

i just simply love this.
Friday, January 23, 2009 || 1:15 AM

today i have deleted some post in my blog
the post i use to say how i dont like and how she act after that day.
most of u know who i saying since i'm not tat type who will keep secret to myself.
so u know why i do lidat?
no, i;m not going to open my blog yet or can say as not planning to do so.
i just feel like she is not important anymore so it does not effect much to me anymore.
so i dont want to keep it, and for some of you might think i'm forever happy girl right?
i'm not, but i just try my best not to be too sad .
cos i hate the feeling of that.
nah, u can say i'm emo or whatever.
i'm not very good in EQ and also IQ.
i guess she has her reason doing thing like that or behave lidat
and the reason i will forver dont know, even i'm curious for once upon a time.
and i realize she did take a part of my blog.
meaning she consider a quite important person to me last time.
when every time u look back to urself u will feel that u kind childish by doing this or that.
when i deleted my post about her i feel the same thing.
childish for writing things lidat comment things lidat.
yesterday i found a very old book and it was about EQ or wateve shit things la.
quiet accurate for me.
if u comment or ur write for it meaning u care, since u care alot why do u write smtg bad about her? to release? but actually at the same time u might writing smtg that hurt her too.
yea, if u dont care, what for thinking about the sad memory again?
no use right? since she is not some one that worth ur care anymore than why u have to remind back?
no reason hor?
that's why i just to delete, to delete the post or forget the memory we have together last time.
people say smtg like
ur tongue is actually a weapon of urs, it's like a sword that hurt even more.
i think it's smtg from public speaking.
cant really remember where this come from.
i used to tell ah mun that i'm not easy to understand but guess what?
i just found out that i'm just the one who dun understand myself.
i think so, that's why i used to think that i'm a complicated living thing.
NAH, this proved, i'm not.
i just like to make everything more complicated.
we have deleted the memory that might mean something but actually nothing.
see, complicated.

i miss you
Wednesday, January 21, 2009 || 1:10 AM

today i saw meng meng, nah just some random guy not the one i liked before.
meng meng a guy that my friend like before but every time i see him make me remind bout her.[every time i go cc sure see him, still a gamer]
but today i saw him at long fong kok, with the guy tat i liked before.
hahaha, they know each other and i bet they are still gamers.
pity them
no matter what, i still miss him but not that kind i will go steal his picture, or dreaming bout him tat type. i miss him just like i miss some random friends.
he consider a bit special guy from me.
like the guy that u lost contact from 2 years ago and now u met him back tat feeling.
guess he cant see me or he cant recognize me or maybe dont want to know me back. i dint change alot.
so maybe is tat type never wanna say hi 1st tat type.
he is a mistake that i made.
haha, sound serious hor? no no no.
trust me just a random guy
final de killing day.
Thursday, January 15, 2009 || 4:35 PM

final is coming.
dad,mum,god, or whoever u are. please give me 36 hours a day so that i have enough time to handle my final.
please and i will love u like u are the only in my life.
always the last minute.
i dun wan my final same like last time account no way.
i'm scare, i feel insecure and i hate it.
like u are going to be alone and out of track.
i dont plan, dont think,
yea, i'm immature.
can just pampered me like i'm oku or i'm a lost child?

i'm really worry.
Monday, January 12, 2009 || 2:56 AM

What is the meaning lifeless hopeless?
i dont know and i dont want to know.
seeing peoples around make me feel strange yet familiar
because we know it used to be
but when you realize everything hiding behind the scene is actually still on drama,
what will you think?
what secret mean by when u telling someone else and ask the person to keep the secret?
is that still a story hide from you because their intention is dont want u to get hurt? like care your feeling soo much and make them feel that is not a right decision to let u know?
i wish there are still someone like that
i dont need to define real and i dont want too
because i'm not and i dont really like people say me that
oh-she-is-a-real-person i feel guilty when people say me like that
i'm not commenting on anyone.
did u ever see a people who praising at a girl and at the another side was cursing her?
i seen alot, i'm emphasizing, ALOT.
maybe because i'm in girl school so those dramatic things will always happened and repeating until now.
i dont mind people being fake but somehow i mind people try to show how real they are when they are not.
get what i mean?
sometimes, i see some who deserve dint get what he deserve for
sometimes, i see some who not deserve get what he dont deserve for
unfair? no, i dont want to complain, fight, against fate.
stupid for not fighting what u deserve?
no, is just another smarter decision.
sometimes i miss my old friends sometimes i wish they will change and will not stay on the secondary look
sometimes i wish they dont change too much until i cant even recognize.
sometimes i love hanging around with new friend but yet i feel strange to them and it make me feel weird, old friends are start from new friends right?
arghhh, i dont know what i'm mumbling now.
so dont mind what i'm talking. i'm syiok sendiri-ing

i smile when i seeing people who really dare on what they do,
not because i feel they are 0h-so-MAN but those who are really brave to dare are always a cons, the fact is they are always put the word brave in their mind and never think of the effect.
and mind you, i'm one of them.
so i do admit i'm stupid enough to tell and i always beautify the word into blur.
smart enough to cover right?
nah, there are two type of people that i always wanted to know more.
one is those who are unlucky enough in the family, love, study or whatever it is.
one is those who are happy-go-lucky on everything.
meisin is belongs to the 1st type.i think la[dont mind me kay?]
i'm mengada-gan.

unlucky one will always things the worst one will happened on him/her
like u fall down today, lost something, argue with ur parent, failed half of the subjects, argue with ur friends and so on so on.
and they will keep complaining, even they tell u they have accepted it but the fact is they dont make you a trouble or they start feeling you are ignoring her/him "unlucky problems". so this will make problems really go worst
dont want caused you a problem-
so they hide they hide they hide and thinks people will not understand cos they never think on other peoples will face [fall down today, lost something, argue with ur parent, failed half of the subject, argue with ur friends] problems too.
in fact they always think why things so unfair, why peoples are so lucky others than him/her.
feeling ignored by frieds-
they try to talk but some oh-she-is-just-so-real in all my friends will smile at u and pretend she/he was listening but in another part of her/his mind thinking why are this person can be this long-winded and thinking how to gossip about you on the others of your friends. so on u found that they weren't listening when u just wanted to find someone to release and not solve your problem but they dont even bother to listen hurt you the most.
this kind of person will feel like lack of love lack of caring lack of luck and so on so on.
they start to be out in group, killing herself, emo alone, mumbling alone, being envy or jealous even there still one or two little ants showing how they care the person.
but ended up with not-the-right-person-she/he-want-the-person-to-careso, the wrong person have to run away crying with handkerchief because push out from the door, and the right person will standing inside and smiling evilly.[ss alone in my own world]
this kind of people sometimes they look pity sometimes they look to deserve it,
it depend on how u judge this case, i will rather to say they always lost their mind
the ways to cure it, just to let her/him realize the world is not going to end yet so means ur "luck" might come one day or it would sound better with "timing"
but sometime i feel they are quite "real" because they are facing the feeling even they dont know or dont want to accept fact they need to wait for the "luck"or"time".

for second type happy-go-luckyhappy-go-lucky are seperated in 2 types.

one is happy-go-lucky with his/her never never get corrupted like those fairytale who waiting for her/his mr/ms charming to come and confess to them.
yea, this is kinda silly by waiting thinking everyone is kind caring and good-hearted since they are born till they die.
yea, and this kind of people somehow will get betray by friends by her/his innocently and naively mind. u will never know she is really choose not to accept the facts or she thinks assuming peoples are always nice make her more happy.
whee, i dont know that bcos my mind was fully corrupted after i'm in primary.
mind me? like u are not? nah, dont lie.
they often get betrayed or bullied or prejudise or sometimes protected cos of their innocent and naive. kinda jealous them who never tired believe and trust peoples without a tiny doubt. why the will ended up protected because they are going to lost in this world, u know the probability even lesser than the chance u got the way to find back dinosour. sometimes. sarcasticly.
the righ one will oways think they are special and feels to protect them.
yea, they are seriously need protect to avoid from getting hurt more and more.
pitiness to them in my opinion.

another one is oh-i'm-happy-go-lucky type, they try their best to put the best part into her/his face which make her look always cheerful but deep in heart she is actually not, she might counting on what this person is or whatever fuck shit things in the person mind.
nah. hiding the real face acting happy even it's not. this kind of people need pitiness more than the 1st type one.
they never think peoples are kind or maybe they belief there is one two exsist in the world but she/he think that they will never meet this only good person in the world.
pity not? i think yes. she/he is actually counting everything but this is really very tiring but when u doing the same things everyday u will never realize u actually feel tired on the process. this is kinda like u dont even understand what ur mind wants and what body wants. corrupted not? i dont know.

i know not EVERYONE has to be in of them, but sometime i did feel there are some people like that. sarcasm to you? i dont feel so.
i dunno which type i belongs to. i dont actually feel that i'm happy-go-lucky but people thinks i am, the 2nd 1st type? no again, MY MIND WAS CORRUPTED SINCE I'M BABY.
LOL. and i do always think people are bad and same like me
oh-i'm-happy-go-lucky?no, i speak when i dont like,so slap me whenever i say anything to kena you but mind you if u try it i will sue u 99 till i bankrupt. i know i watch to much drama like moonlight resonance. i never want get slap too. so deal with me.

so am i the unlucky one? never never to be.sometime i think my family and friends do love me more than i can effort at the same time i feel guilt to them. i forever dont know how to appreciate people love and care but i do learning.
i guess i'm not in of them
who u think u belongs to, like me right? never in one them
so cont to let me meangada in my blog.
new year
Wednesday, January 7, 2009 || 2:25 AM

what to say? new year right?

the usual me. thanks everyone thanks my family, thanks my friends
dont care who u are dont care what u done
i wish everyone has a new happy-go-lucky year but we know smtm happy will still boring so give a little bit bitter to my friends.
we know bitter always left the deepest memory compare to happy, right?
i wish everyone has their own sky above their head[l.a.m.e]
the one they dream when they sleep when the awake
we are still young why dont dream? why dont blame? why dont appreciate?
the time is yours.
you are the one who controlling urself now.
blame? blame urself. dream? keep dreaming. appreciate? keep appreciate.
to my parents i wish they can forever be my side, to accompany me, sayang me and manja me
to sibling, wish they good luck
to friends i wish,
yijun- take care her health, dont ever think she is the girl version hercules, she is not.
steph- make her mind clear on what she wants and desperate for.
bc- dont care on how people judge you, just love the one u love[f.r.i.e.n.d]
zhen- stop playing around and stay rockx
mei hui- be more mature on what she doing now, think wisely
mei sin- go ahead but dont ever think of killing urself, know ur family mumbling u because they love you.
evelyn- love love love. : )
mei poh- stay innocent even if u're not, ur innocent is acceptable for me.
kah yan- wish her all the best
ah ma- dont go too obsess on what u want
elaine voon- i guess u're not tat bad deep in ur heart, so stay ss like me.

to new friends-
zihui- stay smart
andrew- take the move
kent- dont think too much
win- dont give up easily

maybe i need to forgive what people done to me and also wish people will forgive on what i have done.
no one perfects.
this is so true.
cant forgive den let's forget
keep the old and create the new one.
we never know what will going to happen in future.

people say i'm weird?
am i?
i love dessert but hates sweet? weird?
i laugh when people dont laugh
i dont laugh when people laugh? weird?
think too much? weird?
i love rain? weird?
i always ss? weird?
i want drunk yet i hate drunk? weird?
i speak differently? yes? no?
i dont know, i dont care,
if yes slap me la? LALALA~ ahahahaha
but none of your business right?
so mind you, dun complain so much.
i'm not that kind. even i dont evil
LOL with a evil look.

i wanna say remember smtg.
i'm happy on 6th February 2009
i'm not going to tell because i guess i will forgot and i just wanna remind that i'm happy on tat day. yea, yea, i'm weird
i'm still a little girl at 2009
Thursday, January 1, 2009 || 2:35 AM

i still cant let go for 100%
but i know 89% have going out.
i heard and see thing about yijun i will still feel like a knife stab into my heart.
the scar like never heal.
so pathetic, tat day i tell yap sze yen, she is the most pathetic memory in my friends but also the most happiest.
so bad right?
and so stupid right?
yea, i knew it.
chooiting is emo now.
give me 1 days or 12 hours.
i will be fine. trust me.
new year new memory.