“life will be better in spring”
莫文蔚 - 寶貝
Wednesday, May 30, 2012 || 1:04 AM
不知從那天開始不知到那一天止你一直都藏在我心底時光停在你眼裡害怕得不敢聲息我好想住進你的靈魂裡輕撫著你的頭 睡吧我在你夢裡不管醒在那裡寶貝 我記得你不知從那一天起再沒有你的消息這世界忽然間不美麗陽光下的我懷念你等待著你的歸期我好想投進你的懷抱裡緊握著你的手 睡吧我在你懷裡不管醒在那裡寶貝 我愛著你輕撫著你的頭 睡吧我在你夢裡不管醒在那裡寶貝 我記得你不管何時何地寶貝 我記得你我愛著你
fall in deeper and deeper
Wednesday, May 23, 2012 || 1:56 AM
I have never look like a sentimental person, that is why whenever i get too touching over something or fall in to feelings, people often feel shocked or surprise with "this is not you" face.
Maybe i would say when i fall, i fall real hard... on everything that i THINK is matter.
If i'm letting go, i'm letting it all go unless i knew it is impossible than i will bury it deeply.
This consequences digging the well-bury memory is like opening Pandora's box. The illness, despair, sins, suffering but not the least, HOPE will all be released. I used to think this legend is pointless for why revenge on something you've created?
View it in another way, if Pandora was not curious on what is in the box, she will never let Hope arrive the world and just imagine our world without Hope, people will be selfish, directionless, just like the earth without flora, there will be no oxygen for human. This is why Hope is essential in life, my life, your life and his life. If the punishment was taken back, Zeus let go of the wrong doing and the bad thing in the box was taken back so do Hope, everything will not be the same and people will start saying, Pandora should open the box so Hope will born with people and bla bla bla.
lesson of the story: let go of what you cannot change, bear with it and appreciate what you have now or regret after you dont have a chance and repeat for nth.
There are so many opinion in the world that tell you how to be good, how good should look like and what is good.
Mostly, people think if you are living with wealth you are living with goodness because you have almost everything you want. Just like how Bill Gate and Steve Jobs drop out from Uni and still able to be rich. I agree education don't measure your future nor your success but suppose to teach you how to value "Value" instead of how you use it to be success, famous and status.
If you study harder now, you will be doctor/lawyer/scientist in the future.
what do you see in them? their job scope or their income?
After years studying, watching the family little and on going dramas, reading news, i dont really know what is good and how to measure good. Do religion lead you to the good way? if yes why there are still insulting, fighting over each other believe? if you are good just be good, why you have to offend others with your goodness? I'm confused.
I don't want to live in a life where everyone think i'm doing good when i'm not. i'm living under your expectation, i'm acting on your behalf, i'm pretending something, i'm not me. i want to live in a life where i think i'm doing good/fine even when others disagree as long what i'm doing doesn't harm anyone. i just wanna be happy not actor of your expectation.
|These pictures are the places i'm going to stand on 24 hours later. Hoping for a happy trip.|
|Learning is an on-going lesson in life with different subject, you might not remember but there is one called Let Go.|
trying to be happy with these disasters
Sunday, May 6, 2012 || 3:56 AM
i'm actually not happy with what happening recently, with the fact that i should not complain but i'm just not happy.
things are getting messy and i'm not the state to arrange them in sequence
i have no right to arrange them.
i know it was a culture, behavior or a habit of them, being the only one who has been leaving and staying under a different roof.
i can see there are some different by staying alone, the most important is - time constraint.
you will never understanding the different if u were always granted with the freedom you want.
i dont expect much tolerance or understanding but at least respect my dream.
i dont care if i will be regret in 5 years or 10 years, but i'm definitely sure i will be regretting it so much when i'm in 40 of my life.
if u have ever pay attention on me, you should have know i'm never a girl with high intelligence not sure with smart. i dont see my chances on education can over anyone that i know, even there is anyone, that is not the place i'm aiming/ you aiming. i dont know how can double standard happened on both you, but i'm sure i cant achieve on either one of you are thinking. if you cant obtain the intelligence God gave you, what else will you do to become difference from those who is smart? i just choose the path of walking instead of reading.
Maybe it is too late as i'm already in the stage of finishing my degree which consider higher education level in Malaysia. Now u are trying to say u wanna choose the another path? to be honest, i'm jealous to those who can afford to study oversea, have been thinking why not me when browsing pictures of my friends who studying overseas, enjoying summer break, travelling from one town to another. when come back to reality, i know i dun have the intelligence they have, even if my parents send me, i dont think i'm capable on the education level at there and i might be stressing like shit.
Friend:Do you still remember the time when you are in primary? about teacher asked you to fill in your hobby and ambitious or something?
Me: Yes! haha
Friend: what did u fill in that form?
Me: i say i wanna melancong di seluruh bumi. p/s sorry with malay grammar.
Friend: Yer, dont you think you are being unrealistic?
Me: (shock) What do you mean by unrealistic? (offended)
Friend: Dont you have something on your mind about your career or what?
Me: I dont see traveling is such an unrealistic option and why do carrier have to do something with my ambitious? I dont see anyone able to do it not even every rich man able to do it.
i though i should leave while i'm having less barrier, if i were having an on-process career, how can i leave as i want when my works are leaving undone? shouldnt you grab the chance when you're parents are still young and healthy? do you think they will become healthier when they are getting older?
so i choose the path that it will cause anyone the least problems. In some people's opinions, i might just changing some facts with nonsense, but honestly, how can you say and judge this is not right? are you expecting my parents to bring me go travel or my future husband to be? i hope anything i'm choosing now, it will lead the least objection from people who i've been seeking for permission and agreement for the most.
I dont want to trouble any of you, friends or family. i know i need them, no matter what. I'm so terrify that i might fail with the life out there, no family, no friends, and nothing familiar with me and yet i'm so eager with it. All i want is you to understand, stepping out from home, state, or own country is not meaning leaving my responsibilities at here.
i'm just a kid trying to climb on top of the tree to
find out what is actually behind the giant wall
not knowing i will be falling and hurting myself.