“life will be better in spring”

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today is steph's birthday and i'm really exhausted
happy brithday to you
happy birthday to you
happy birthday to steph
happy birthday to you.

and again.
stay away, stay away from me.
dont ever come again.
promised but karma bitch.
dont need to understand but just listen.

maybe i'm ignoring
maybe i'm lying
maybe i'm stupid
maybe i'm suppose to be
maybe i'm just acting

i din call steph for a happy birthday the whole morning but just now.
i dont want to be party pooper
i just ignore that what is happening on there
ignore and pretend like i dont know and i can dont care
ignore the feeling inside

i know over there they are planning celebrating
i jsut dont want to call
dont want to play hard
i know i can call her and ask her out
i know everything
i just never do that

maybe i'm just not so brave or dare
maybe i just dont want see things go worse


even when i know steph is my FRIEND
even i know she is birthday today

i keep it the last to say happy birthday to her
i keep it the last not to remind her about me.
i keep it hard to pretend that i'm no more VIP between us
i keep it too hard that make me bang bang bang in my heart
i keep it too hard for something no need.
i keep it so hard not to feel bad
chooiting will not cry. promise.

so i dont care what is going on over there
i bake a mini cake or wateva u call it to her
it's just a cake
as a heart for her or wateva

took me 4 hours++ to made it
so no matter what
people must say nice




this is actually ice-cream [the 3rd time i made this] i'll still eat if it is not success






maybe i just over estimate myself
i ever tot that i'm not those crying not stop
yea, i can honestly proudly and wateva to say
actually
i'm very easy to start crying but just
i always ignore the tear everytime.
mind you, i'm always stupid

say me bitch.
everytime when i feel like crying
i wish there is someone tell me
it's ok, just dont cry.
i'm trying to force myself not to cry and i did it.